The Twelve Labours of Millenniallus.
The most legendary tale in all of Greek Mythology is that of the demi-god Hercules, the son of Zeus and the mortal princess Alcmene.
Zeus’s wife, Hera, goddess of women, was enraged at Hercules for being another child born from Zeus’s notorious infidelity. So, she tasked Hercules with ten and/or twelve tasks that were deemed impossible even for the demi-god to complete.
Fortunately, us mere mortals, just before and in the middle of, my generation, doesn’t need to be the spawn of divines to be entrusted with such daring tasks, but unlike Hercules himself, this list of updated tasks for the modern millennial and Gen Z-er should prove almost certainly impossible.
Manually change the oil in your car (without assistance).
Disclaimer: If you do not own a car (which is also quite likely), you can substitute this task by calling a landline with a rotary phone. You have a number memorized right? Right?
Own a two-story home with a stay-at-home spouse and at least two kids on minimum wage.
This used to be possible in the 50s, but we don’t wanna go back to that time, now do we?
Sever your ties to social media for a year.
Because cutting it off for a lifetime is just crazy even for the gods themselves.
Tell a joke to a large audience (500+) that no mortal can cancel you for.
Obtain and pursue a genuine, loving, mature relationship that is worthy of marriage, via online dating.
You’d think more options would make it easier. Ironic. (Bonus points if you’re a male)
Acquire a job within the field you studied in at tertiary study within six months after graduation.
Stand in the middle of Tiananmen Square and express your opinions about the Chinese Government before departing unscathed.
Stand in the middle of the Red Square in Moscow and express your opinions about the Russian Government before departing unscathed.
Stand in the middle of Times Square, New York, and express your opinions about the American Government before departing unscathed.
No comment on the previous three.
Have at least 6 close friends by the time you hit your 30s.
Jesus managed to do it. Question is, could you?
Attain enlightenment.
I don’t mean happiness or inner peace, I’m talking “Buddha sitting under a tree and growing a third eye” enlightenment. People are becoming more spiritual after all.
Subdue and capture the Cerberus of the Underworld.
Because at this rate, we might as well chuck in one of the original tasks, since it doesn’t make much of a difference.
Thank you for reading and have a beautiful day!
Daniel
